Arriving back in Eymet felt like some pulled the emergency brake while going 100 mph. I had a wonderful three weeks with friends and family and it was go, go, go and then quiet. I'm not complaining, I really enjoy the time to myself to become introspective. January can be a difficult month for me (and I'm sure for his family) as it is not only the anniversary of Jean-Luc's death but also the anniversary of his birth. I find it helpful to have time to reflect and practice my meditation.
Yesterday, it rained almost the whole day but I really felt like getting out for a walk. So I put on my rain gear and grabbed an umbrella. I drove out to do a walk that I had noticed one day coming back from the Upper Hamlet of Plum Village. I guess being close to the retreat center got me thinking about the retreat I did in Vancouver with Thich Nhat Hanh in August 2011. I remembered many of the things that I learned during the retreat about the Buddhist philosophy regarding death. The principle of no birth, no death. Thich Hhat Hanh writes in his book, No Death, No Fear, that "When conditions are sufficient, things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient, things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again." He goes on to describe his experience of losing his mother when he was young and how he suffered until one day, after a dream about his mother, he realized that she was part of him, she was the breeze that touched his face, the earth under his feet... and then idea that she was "lost" no longer existed.
I've had experiences like that where I really felt Jean-Luc - times during my pilgrimage, when I am in the mountains or near the sea. Being introduced to this philosophy probably helped me when I sold Andiamo. I was so afraid that by letting go of the boat, I would let go of Jean-Luc. Of course that didn't happen, I realized that he would always be in my heart ... which leads me to the next stage.
When I was last in Paris, Jean-Luc's brother and I took the dog for a walk and had a great talk. He commented that he could see how much Jean-Luc still filled my heart and that there didn't seem to be any room. His comment got me thinking about something Sister Chan Khong said to me at the retreat in Vancouver..."We should not become our stories." I didn't get it until now. I have been clinging to my story and in a sense living in the past. The story of meeting the love of my life, having this incredible dream, living the adventure and losing my love. I think I have been afraid that if I let go of the story, that I will let go of Jean-Luc. Well that didn't happen when I let go of the boat, right? But without my story, who am I? Maybe if I let go of the story, that might make some room in my heart and make it easier to move forward. I bet that's easier said than done! Am I getting too deep on you? Sorry, writing it down helps to sort my thoughts out and I've been thinking lots.
Today I went to the Mindfulness Day at Plum Village. It was the most gorgeous winter day. There had been a snowfall overnight and the countryside looked so clean and fresh. During Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching the sun broke through the clouds. So after the dharma talk, our walking meditation was through white fields that were slowly melting with the warmth of the sun. It was truly beautiful. I think some people have the impression that monks and nuns are very serious but you should have seen the snowball fight after the walk. Isn't it fun to see how a snowfall can bring the child out in anyone! It was a lovely way to spend a Sunday.
Looking forward to my first visitor arriving on the 29th. Are you ready Mo?!!! Mon francais n'est pas tres bon mais ca va etre amusant!!
Gros bisous a tout!!
Yesterday, it rained almost the whole day but I really felt like getting out for a walk. So I put on my rain gear and grabbed an umbrella. I drove out to do a walk that I had noticed one day coming back from the Upper Hamlet of Plum Village. I guess being close to the retreat center got me thinking about the retreat I did in Vancouver with Thich Nhat Hanh in August 2011. I remembered many of the things that I learned during the retreat about the Buddhist philosophy regarding death. The principle of no birth, no death. Thich Hhat Hanh writes in his book, No Death, No Fear, that "When conditions are sufficient, things manifest. When conditions are no longer sufficient, things withdraw. They wait until the moment is right for them to manifest again." He goes on to describe his experience of losing his mother when he was young and how he suffered until one day, after a dream about his mother, he realized that she was part of him, she was the breeze that touched his face, the earth under his feet... and then idea that she was "lost" no longer existed.
I've had experiences like that where I really felt Jean-Luc - times during my pilgrimage, when I am in the mountains or near the sea. Being introduced to this philosophy probably helped me when I sold Andiamo. I was so afraid that by letting go of the boat, I would let go of Jean-Luc. Of course that didn't happen, I realized that he would always be in my heart ... which leads me to the next stage.
When I was last in Paris, Jean-Luc's brother and I took the dog for a walk and had a great talk. He commented that he could see how much Jean-Luc still filled my heart and that there didn't seem to be any room. His comment got me thinking about something Sister Chan Khong said to me at the retreat in Vancouver..."We should not become our stories." I didn't get it until now. I have been clinging to my story and in a sense living in the past. The story of meeting the love of my life, having this incredible dream, living the adventure and losing my love. I think I have been afraid that if I let go of the story, that I will let go of Jean-Luc. Well that didn't happen when I let go of the boat, right? But without my story, who am I? Maybe if I let go of the story, that might make some room in my heart and make it easier to move forward. I bet that's easier said than done! Am I getting too deep on you? Sorry, writing it down helps to sort my thoughts out and I've been thinking lots.
Today I went to the Mindfulness Day at Plum Village. It was the most gorgeous winter day. There had been a snowfall overnight and the countryside looked so clean and fresh. During Thich Nhat Hanh's teaching the sun broke through the clouds. So after the dharma talk, our walking meditation was through white fields that were slowly melting with the warmth of the sun. It was truly beautiful. I think some people have the impression that monks and nuns are very serious but you should have seen the snowball fight after the walk. Isn't it fun to see how a snowfall can bring the child out in anyone! It was a lovely way to spend a Sunday.
Looking forward to my first visitor arriving on the 29th. Are you ready Mo?!!! Mon francais n'est pas tres bon mais ca va etre amusant!!
Gros bisous a tout!!