I wasn't sure how I would feel on this anniversary but I feel surprisingly okay. I look at the photo on the wall, Jean-Luc's arm casually draped across my shoulder, big smiles on both our faces and I smile. We had so much fun together, so many adventures, and a few challenges. Like all the other first anniversaries without him, his birthday, my birthday, the day we bought the boat, the first Christmas, the first New Year's - it is not really any different than any other day without him. It sucks but I can't change it.
Tomorrow night, if it's not pouring rain and blowing a gale like it is tonight, I will crack a bottle of Champagne, share a glass with some of my friends at the marina and offer a drop to Neptune to look after Jean-Luc as I scatter some of his ashes in the harbour.
And the day after, like every day, I will swing my feet out of bed and carry on - a little worse for wear but a little stronger and wiser. I will be grateful for everything I have had and I will do my best to appreciate each day.